She woke screaming, and the sound startled him considerably, although it was understandable if the bitch had displeased Sulu. He called harshly to her to be still as he switched off the monitor records he'd been reading.
Then turned in disbelief as the sound continued.
"Kal'aroun, kroykah!" he ordered
The scream stopped, but was immediately replaced by hysterical weeping. The girl was huddled in a corner of the bed. As he stepped toward her, she clawed frantically at the bulkhead as though to escape him.
His face hardened in icy rage. The whore dared to defy him? Foolish slut, to forget your brand and your master. He had no patience for it, nothing but contempt and anger for her audacity. This futile gesture of insolence would be properly punished. He took the agonizer from his belt and strode to her, holding her easily. With harsh ferocity he pressed the device to the ka'din above her breasts.
Her screams began again. He commanded her to be silent but the order went unheard through her cries. His fury grew, and with it came a determination to break Selar's rebellious barbarian. She had always been too free, too blatant. It was due to her training, Selar had said, and had approved of showing his whore, exhibiting her talents and wild, bestial beauty. But Spock demanded obedience first, and she would learn to please her new tra'feean.
He began slapping her, waiting after each blow for the silence he'd demanded. She flinched from him, struggling uselessly. He was generous with the agonizer, tearing her clothing to reach areas of her body that were perhaps more amenable to persuasion. Her cries went on, and the writhing of her increasingly naked body began to arouse him. Perhaps the whore could only be mastered by a man between her thighs. She had always served him well in that regard.
He let her go to undress, pleased when she fell back, gasping from the release. Her eyes dared to glance at him, and she moaned, a helpless, urgent sound.
The bitch plays me, Spock thought with renewed anger. She will get what she wants, and more than she bargains for.
He came to her, roughly parting her legs, and used all his strength to enter her.
Jilla had known where she was the moment she became conscious. She knew what would be expected of her, the obedience, the fire, the sexual acrobatics. Sulu had not expected them, but he'd taken them eagerly, praising her, wishing her response was always that abandoned, that wanton. The memory of Spock and Vulcan and bitter heat seared into her and her body responded. She couldn't stop the screaming terror.
He shouted at her, and she couldn't stop, called her kal'aroun and she fought it back to weeping. It wasn't enough, she'd known it wouldn't be, but it was all her fear could allow. She knew what he took from his belt, feared it, but couldn't stop the sobs of shame and horror.
The pain was like nothing she had ever felt, not even the mind-sifter. Her blood was on fire, sending searing agony to every artery, every vein, the lines of her brand burning into her under the agonizer's pressure. Her body begged her to obey, to be kal'aroun, and her mind recoiled with a pain worse than the fire. I can't, Aema, sumin tu al lina!
He began hitting her, tore her clothes away, let the agonizer sear her breasts and her genitals. Still she couldn't stop the screams. He released her long enough to shed his own clothing and she gasped and prayed desolately, damning the anticipation that suddenly filled her. He was Spock, he was Vulcan; how could she, in this whore's body, not want him? She groaned with a dread impossible to express. He came to her, moved between her legs and Selar's barbarian whore betrayed her. Damnation once again seared into her, she felt again the terror of eternal, unheeded pleas locking her into cold non-being, cries of telmnor once again burned into her soul with billions of icy eyes. Damned, damned - Sulu, forgive me!
She fell into the chasm of eternity and in madness allowed her body to take her away from all but the pleasure of Spock's need.
Ruth and Sulu had cried together, they had sobbed out their shared pain and fear and despair. They were huddled together on the floor, and as weariness dulled the edge of Sulu's emotions, realization came to him. There was something he had to do, something Ruth had to endure, or the horror they had allowed Jilla to be thrust into was all for nothing. He shuddered, nearly broke into renewed, hopeless weeping, and managed to say Ruth's name.
She looked up, her face tear-streaked, and he felt old and tired and full of self-hatred. God, how can I, how can I tell her what I have to do, what Spock ordered me to do? He tried to speak but the words stuck in his throat. She gazed at him, violet trust and concern and attention and he felt sick. "I have to..." he whispered, "...Spock wants..." Memory assailed him, deviant sexual games from his wild youth. God, I can't, not again! "...he wants you bruised, marked, I..."
Her trembling gasp told him she understood.
"I can't, Ruth," he added, even more quietly. "How can I?"
"What will he do if you don't?" she asked, barely audible.
Sulu got up, turned from her. "I don't know. Kill us, kill her..."
There was a long silence, then he felt Ruth's hands on his shoulders. "Then you have to," her soft voice said.
He faced her. "I can't," he said searching her eyes. She was shivering, but she met his gaze.
"I'll help," she told him.
He laughed bitterly. "You gonna get me mad at you, Spike?"
"Isn't what we'll face if you don't worse? I know you don't mean it, I can stand it. Sulu, it's better than someone who'd get his kicks from it!"
Ironic tears welled in his eyes and he turned away. If you only knew... "Ruth, I can't hurt you," he rasped.
"Then you'll let Spock hurt and kill me - and Jilla?" she wailed back.
With a cry of anguish, he backhanded her sharply and she reeled from the ferocity of it. His arms were around her a second later, holding, soothing, and he apologized brokenly. She pulled away.
"No, damn it, go on, it's what you have to do!" she hissed fiercely. He stared at her, silently shaking his head "Sulu!" she pleaded. His eyes closed. "Think of what he's doing to Jilla!"
She cried out as his hand struck her again, stumbling to her knees. A moan escaped him and he sank beside her and she spat, "Selar's barbarian whore!" and tried not to shriek with the blow that followed.
Spock left Jilla lying on the floor, gasping from the power of the climax she'd given him. He had been right; with a man inside her she was everything kal'aroun should be. She had more than obeyed - she anticipated every order, fulfilled it without being told. Proper active subservience.
He reclined on the bed, breathing deeply, and said, "Wine," then closed his eyes to wait for the renewing drink she would bring him.
It didn't come. Jilla didn't move. He sat up, glancing down at her. Her left hand was pressed over the brand, her body trembling, her eyes closed.
"Kal'aroun!" he snapped.
The eyes opened, fear and something else, and she rose, only to her knees, her head bowed.
"Tra'feean," she whispered.
He waited for the wine, slapped her when she made no sign of moving. She glanced at him, furtive, covertly, wincing.
"I grow tired of your inattention," he said, "Wine, woman." She sobbed, but rose to do as he'd ordered. Her sudden submissiveness angered him. She had proven she knew proper behavior. This passivity was to mock him, to tell him she served him but did not acknowledge him her proper master. Except in bed. Must all women be reminded of their places with such frequency? So be it. I have sworn to keep you safe, kal'aroun, but Sepak has made no such bargain. He will not do you permanent injury, but he can eloquently remind you of what it is to be owned without also being owed.
He drained the glass she brought to him, glared at her until she resumed her kneeling position at the side of the bed. Then he called Sepak.
"Take her," he said when the guard entered. "Do as you will, short of my duty to her, and remind her of her own duty."
Sepak smiled, nodded, and Spock dismissed them both.
Jilla followed Sepak numbly. There was no place within her that was not consumed with horror, the added fear barely registering. She knew that her body would serve him, as it had Spock, as it would any man who desired her. Kal'aroun. Whore, slut, thing. She only idly wondered what had led Selar to condemn her to it.
Sepak's rooms were small, a warrior's, containing all of the traditional Vulcan weapons and armor, and the shrine at which offering was once made to the gods before battle. In her own universe, it existed only as a reminder of the passions logic had conquered. Here, she had no doubt it was still in regular use. When the door closed, Sepak turned, spat a harsh Vulcan command at her. She knew it, knew any kal'aroun would be taught it. Assume the position of obedience. She sank to her knees, her body curling forward, forehead touching the floor in front of her, palms flat beside her. She could feel Sepak's piercing gaze, felt the angry satisfaction he got from seeing her humbled before him.
"The Commander forbids me to kill you, slut," he snarled at her. "Know that is all which keeps you alive. He is trlrn's heir, and though he owes it to your treachery, though it has strengthened my position to serve the heir, I would return you to trlrn's house, to see you punished for your murder. Sarek would acknowledge me for that, I would be called son, could call him Father, and you would know vengeance. But Sarek is far away, and Spock is here. I would not live to see your womb ripped from you, as you dared to rip my brother's child from it. You thought yourself quite clever to come to Spock from your flight. Selar's murder made him heir. He is in your debt for that. Vulcan honors its debts, kal'aroun. You knew that too well to fear Spock would thank you, then have you killed - as you should be. You would do better to earn his grace for other reasons. Not even he will protect forever the hand that killed his brother, that gave his brother's child no chance to live."
Jilla was trembling, vile loathing and nausea almost eclipsing her terror. She had listened to Sepak's words, absorbing all the hatred and vengeance and rage behind them, feeling the fury of all of Vulcan from his fierce denunciation. She was unable to comprehend the actions he spoke of, unable to believe there was something more malignant than her own sin. But here, she had murdered her tra'feean, murdered, too, his child while it grew in her body? Profanity, obscenity - Aema, how could I have done such a thing?
Her own despair and hateful castigation tore at her, and when Sepak pulled her out of her crouch, she welcomed the beating.
Kevin had worried, paced, and slept the long hours away. After the shock of the Agony Booth had worn off, he had nothing but time and could only use it in anxious thoughts. Sulu had told him where they were, why Spock had done what he had. The thought that the Vulcan might hurt Ruth made him go cold with dread. What was happening? Why didn't someone tell him something? Did anyone dare speak, or be seen with him? He knew nothing and dared not ask the guard outside the doorway anything.
When he ran out of energy for pacing he threw himself onto the bed and stared at the ceiling as the same thoughts repeated themselves endlessly in his head.
"Riley."
Kevin jumped at the sound of a contemptuous voice and sat up to stare through the doorway. It was a security guard, one he thought he recognized as Sulu's friend from the Hood, Jeremy Paget. "You've got duty," the guard told him. "The boss said to send you to his quarters."
Kevin stood. "The boss?" he asked, bewildered.
"Yeah. It seems Sulu still wants to keep you on the payroll. Move."
Kevin nodded curtly and tried not to make a dash for the turbolift. He tried to seem casual as he moved through the ship, intent on ignoring everyone and everything until he was safe inside Sulu's rooms. There was a guard outside Sulu's door and another one leaning on the bulkhead opposite the door. Kevin pretended they weren't there and the one blocking his entrance hastily stepped aside.
Allison was off duty but he decided to wait for a while anyway. Just in case Sulu finished early, which of course he never did. Still it did no harm to hope. And if a miracle should happen and Sulu throws her out, I'll be here to comfort her and take her back to my quarters. The Vulcan would never know. He was making casual conversation with Sulu's bodyguard when Riley appeared around the curve of the corridor and sauntered up to Sulu's door. He was obviously expected because the guard let him in, no questions asked. Allison's eyes went hard with anger. Slut! I bet it was your idea and Sulu said "sure" - and you knew I'd be waiting here for you. Spock's right, this time you need to be taken down hard. And I'm going to be the one who lets him know.
Ruth glanced worriedly to where Sulu lay on the bed, his face turned away from her. She knew he wasn't asleep, just too exhausted from anguish, worry, self-loathing and responsibility to move. She wished she could get some rest herself. A long, dark sleep seemed very inviting right now. Instead she walked slowly over to a full length mirror by the closet door and examined herself. Sulu had, with a great deal of soul-wrenching difficulty for both of them, been persuaded to give her a beating. But had it been enough? She looked at herself - bruises were beginning to discolor her face, her mouth was cut and swollen, there were marks on her arms and ribs. Not enough, she realized, sickened by the realization. Sulu's supposed to be a sadist, not a mere bully. He wouldn't get off on just a few bruises.
She remembered the girl she had seen in sickbay that morning. She had been covered in knife cuts and no one had seemed to think anything odd about it. Ruth leaned against the mirror, not sure she had enough strength to ask for more pain, especially from her dear, gentle Roy. What he had already done had taken enough out of him. Goddess, must I do this?
If you are all to live, yes, a relentless voice answered.
She pushed herself away from the mirror and, shivering, made herself inspect the various implements that were scattered around Sulu's quarters. It didn't take long to find something that would leave the marks that Spock required: four short thin braided strips of leather attached to a leather covered handle. It looked well used, and she shuddered as she picked it up. Swallowing, she took a deep breath, and went to Sulu.
"Sulu," she said softly. He groaned, didn't look at her. She shuddered again, gently opened his clenched fist, placed the whip handle in his palm. His head jerked to her, his eyes to his hand and he sat up, letting the thing fall to the floor, turning from her. Tears filled her eyes, but she picked it up, trying again to force it into his hand.
"No," he groaned.
"You're a sadist," she said miserably.
"Isn't it enough?" he pleaded.
"No."
"I can't," he whispered. "I can't, I can't..."
"Sulu . . ."
He whirled, taking the whip, throwing it across the room savagely. "No!" he growled.
Ruth gazed at him steadily until he looked away from her eyes. Then she resolutely retrieved the whip, set it firmly in his hand, and knelt, pulling her hair away from her back. "Do it," she told him, and closed her eyes.
She waited for what seemed like forever, the tension growing, becoming more thick, more hopeless, more tangible. She could hear Sulu's ragged breathing, the agony behind it, and still she waited.
Then the leather touched her, and she gasped, but there was no power in it, no force. She started shaking, and a second touch came, quicker, but still not more than mildly stinging. She steeled herself, the third was almost a real blow. A sob escaped Sulu's throat and she slumped. He can't do it, goddess what will we do?
But a fourth came, a little harder, and a fifth, harder still. Sulu hissed in air, and Ruth held back the scream as the whip began to cut harshly into her flesh.
Sulu closed off his mind. He closed off his heart. He let the raging emotions fill him, refusing to label them, feeding them to the movement of his arm. It didn't matter what they were, he ignored all but their force, using it, letting it drive him. Unthinking, unreasoning, careless, callous. More, stronger, it doesn't matter, harder, faster, more, get it out, just get it out, savage, hurting, harder, faster, more!
He didn't hear Ruth's screams.
Even before Kevin's eyes focused properly on what he saw, he heard himself scream Sulu's name and flung himself on his friend. As they went down, his mind was telling him vividly what he had seen and heard - Ruth crouching on the deck, bloody stripes covering her body, screaming. Sulu loomed above her, his arm rising and falling with maniacal force. Tears forced their way from his eyes as he looked down at the man he had tackled.
Sulu stared at him, blinking, breathing heavily. Then his face went ashen and he struggled up, glancing wildly toward Ruth. Kevin watched helplessly as he doubled over, his muscles convulsing. The whip dropped from his hand as he crawled to the bathroom and was loudly, violently sick.
Kevin shuddered, memories of years before filling him; the Academy, hearing the news that the Hunter had been caught and identified, and Sulu racing to the head. The thought that he at long last understood the reaction tore at him, and he turned toward Ruth. But as he touched her, she cried "Roy!" and crawled after Sulu, sobbing, her voice almost grateful in its intensity. Kevin stayed where he was, confused, aching, despairing, hearing Ruth telling Sulu 'it's all right' over and over.
When they emerged, some of the blood had been washed from Ruth's body, and Sulu's face was weary and tear-streaked. "Get to bed," Sulu told her, "try to sleep," and she nodded and eased herself, obviously in great pain, into the large bed.
"What in god's name..." Kevin began, and Sulu crossed to him, hugging him tiredly.
"You okay, Kev?" he asked.
"What the hell were you doing?" Kevin demanded.
Sulu shuddered. "Spock ordered her marked up. Ruth understood." Tears filled his eyes. "I had to do it. Just like I had to put you in the Booth yesterday - " his voice cracked. " - just like I had to let him take - " It choked off and he turned, covering his face.
"Kevin," Ruth called softly. He left Sulu standing alone in the middle of the room and went to kneel beside the bed. He took her hand.
"Everything's going to be all right," he told her reassuringly.
She closed her eyes and answered in a hoarse strained voice.
"He had to give Jilla to Spock. It's killing him. I hope she can take it. We won't know until morning."
Kevin gripped her hand tighter, fighting not to express the revulsion he felt for Spock. She didn't need anymore emotions to cope with. He almost wished he was back in the brig, completely ignorant of what was going on. "I love you," he said despairingly. He was surprised when she burst into tears, her arms coming around his neck
"Thank you," she sobbed, "goddess, Kevin, thank you!"
He held her, careful of her injuries, soothing her as she wept and finally fell into restless sleep. He looked up to see Sulu staring numbly at him.
"You stay with her," Sulu said.
"You need to sleep too, Sulu," Kevin reminded gently. Sulu shook his head.
"She needs you. I can't..." His voice broke again and he turned, leaving the room.
Sulu wished he could stop thinking. He'd dimmed the lights hours ago so that he couldn't see. In the near dark, he wandered around the rooms, accompanied only by the soft sounds of Kevin and Ruth's breathing - except for the times the Antari whimpered or moaned in her sleep. He flinched every time she did, and shunned the sleeping area, not even looking that way. He kept repeating Jilla's name to himself until it became a mantra, an aid to non-thought. He'd been so tempted to use the screens, to see her, but he didn't want to know what Spook did to her, couldn't bear to see it. It had been hours, hours that stretched behind him, before him, cruel, taunting... All of time is now and now is all of time. In the darkness he had come to the inseparable space of himself with the All, the ideal of Buddhist being, and it was anything but serenity and understanding. The irony almost made him cry out. Of course. Here nirvana is hell.
A shaft of light pierced the room, a voice that said, invitingly, "... if you don't want to take a chance on disturbing him, ma'am."
There was no answer and a pale shadow of silver slipped in with the light, dulling as the light fled.
"Why is it so dark?" she asked in a voice that held no emotion. Then, hesitantly, "Sulu?" and they were holding each other, crying together. He felt her wince in pain and was glad he couldn't see her. He didn't want to let her go and seeing where his touch was causing pain would have made him. All the hatred that had been submerged by the horror of what he'd had to do to Ruth resurfaced, and he shook with it, even as his hands stroked and soothed Jilla's trembling body.
Jilla let herself melt in Sulu's arms, the panic running deep, but still frozen by tra'feean's commands. He hurt her, and she winced, but wouldn't leave the warmth of his embrace. Her mind almost begged him to use her, as Spock had, as Sepak had, to keep the degradation from claiming her. If he took her now, though it would affirm what she was, what she had to be, she would know it wasn't she that hurt him, not she that he loathed, that disgusted him, not she that was filling him with murderous hatred. If he could love her after...
"He hurt you," his voice rasped almost savagely in her ear. "Bastard! He'll die, I can do it, I'll see him die!"
Relief flooded her at Sulu's words. His hatred was for Spock, not her... and Sepak's warnings echoed in her mind, clouding the joy. "No," she whispered in anguished terror, "Sulu, no..."
"He won't take you again," Sulu hissed. "He'll never hurt you again, I'll see to it..."
"Sulu!" It came out as a shout, Jilla beginning to lose control over the hysteria within her. "No, you cannot - anything he wants, anything he says, I have to, I have to!"
"No, no more!" Sulu snapped hoarsely. "You're not kal'aroun, you're not his! I won't let..."
"I will die, Sulu, you do not understand!"
"He'll die, Jilla! All I've got to do is..."
"Jilla?" Ruth's voice came with the sudden flood of light as she worked the switch. She and Jilla gasped simultaneously at each other's appearance. Jilla stared at her, then at Sulu, and with a shriek of rage began beating furiously at him, clawing, screaming obscenities.
Kevin grabbed her away and held her with her arms pinned to her sides. "He had to do it!" he hissed frantically. "He had to! Calm down, Jilla, you and Ruth are all we've got! He wouldn't hurt her on purpose, would he? We have to stay alive..." His voice choked off.
Ruth continued. "Jilla, Spock ordered him to, he didn't have any choice. Please, he's been through enough."
Jilla glared for a moment, then slumped from Kevin's arms to the floor. "He has been through enough," she repeated, then started crying, the hopeless weeping mixed with bitter laughter. "I have given whore's service to Spock, to Sepak, I have to beg him for Spock's life, I am a murderer as well as a slut, a calculating barbarian bitch... and he has been through enough!"
Ruth stared, dumbfounded. Kevin looked uncertainly from her to Sulu and back. Sulu knelt beside Jilla, taking her in his arms, but he was looking worriedly at Ruth. Ruth blinked, fighting with her own pain. She knew why Sulu was so worried. Such self-involvement, such disregard for other's feelings was so foreign to Jilla's nature, it was nearly unbelievable. Something very wrong had happened - and what did Jilla mean by murderer?
"You haven't murdered anyone," Ruth told her. "You haven't done anything. None of us have. All we've done was beam up to the wrong ship."
Jilla looked as though she were about to snap off a retort, then she stopped, fresh tears filled her eyes, and she whispered "I am sorry," and collapsed in Sulu's arms. "It is - goddess help me! - here, I - she..." She took a deep breath, gazing at Sulu. "Spock has to live. He is all that is keeping me - her alive. I - she was Selar's concubine, she became pregnant. I do not know how, or why but I - " Jilla shuddered. " - she aborted the child, killed Selar... killed Selar..." Her voice became inaudible, and she sobbed.
Sulu kissed her tenderly, murmuring, "I know, it's all right", and she swallowed and went on.
"She ran, Vulcan wishes vengeance. He and Spock were brothers, Sepak as well, I do not understand but - with Selar's death, Spock became Sarek's heir. I - she caused it, he wanted it so he protects her from Vulcan. But I am his, must be at his call or he will forget his honor, the debt he owes and..." She inhaled, visibly fighting hysteria. "Vulcan will do more than kill me."
"We've got to get out of here," Kevin said fervently. "Soon, before anything more happens." He looked from Jilla to Ruth. "You're Valjiir, remember? You've got to get us home."
Jilla exploded again, lashing out at Kevin vehemently. "We? We? What do you expect us to do? Look at her, look at me! What condition are we in to do anything? Look at what they -" she turned suddenly to Sulu. " - you have done!"
"Sulu?" Ruth screamed, almost as hysterical as Jilla. "What Sulu has done? We wouldn't have lasted an hour without him!"
"Look in a mirror!" Jilla spat back, then pushed past her, throwing herself on the bed, sobbing violently.
"Spock did this to me!" Ruth shouted at the figure on the bed. "Spock beat Kevin, he raped you! And Sulu's hurt worse than any of us, can't you feel that, Indiian!"
Jilla raised herself, staring into Ruth's eyes, and the quiet was almost deafening. "What can I feel other than I have to beg you, all of you, to keep him alive, no matter what he does?"
Ruth closed her eyes. "Can you ask so much of me? He'll kill me, you know he will. I can't keep up the charade forever."
"You won't have to," Kevin said quickly. "All we have to do is reverse the effect of the transporter..."
"You will give me to Vulcan to die for a crime I did not commit," Jilla said to Ruth, ignoring Kevin. "You have a chance, a slim one I grant, but a chance. But what does that matter? Better me than you. Kill Spock for what he has done. Then see what good prayers for my soul do!"
"Shut up!" Sulu broke in with sudden ferocity. "Both of you, just shut the fuck up! Do you find all this danger so damned exciting that you want to stay? You can be hurt Ruth. Wow. You always liked experimenting. Vulcan savagery, Jilla, just like pon farr but you can't control it. Sweet domination. You both make me sick: You're the only hope we've got and you're both acting like the self-centered whores they are!" His voice stopped and he turned from both of them, shaking. "You're Federation officers, damn it, try acting like it."
Ruth took a deep breath, controlling the trembling. "I'm scared," she whispered, "and I'm hurting..." She glanced at Sulu. "And I'm sorry for the last few minutes." She smiled wanly. "I'll try to act like an adult from now on, okay Roy?"
"Yeah, sure," Sulu replied. "The function tapes for yesterday are on the desk. You and Jilla should be able to figure out what happened."
Ruth started to speak again, but Kevin hushed her, helping her to the desk. Jilla slowly got up from the bed, wiping her hands over her eyes, moving hesitantly toward Sulu.
"Sulu, I..." she began.
"I know," he cut her off. "Go on, Lieutenant."
"Sulu..." she pleaded, and he turned to her.
"What do you want from me?" he asked bitterly. "You're right, she's right, I have to let him live, we have to be his puppets. Do I have to like it?"
"I.... I am sorry, I did not mean..."
He turned again. "Just go on, Jilla."
"Sulu, please..."
"I have feelings too, hon."
"I was..."
"No, you weren't and we both know it."
"Sulu..." Ruth began, and Kevin again silenced her.
"They're hurting, Ruth, let them work it out."
Then Ruth winced as Jilla's hand slashed harshly across Sulu's face. He grabbed her wrist, eyes blazing, and they stared at each other. Jealousy, anger, and guilt raced between them with almost tangible force. Both accused, denied, finally admitted. Sulu had beaten Ruth. Jilla hadn't been raped. She started crying, tears were in his eyes as he pulled her to him. They both whispered, "I'm sorry", then clung to each other in an embrace of repentance and release.
"Did it hurt too badly, hon?" Sulu asked.
Jilla shook her head. "It must have been very difficult for you," she murmured.
He nodded. "We'll make it," he assured. "I love you."
"And I, you," she replied. They smiled wearily, and Jilla joined Ruth at the desk. "I am sorry, Ruth," she said.
Ruth didn't say anything, she just let Jilla absorb her feelings of apology, understanding, shared fear, and love. After a few seconds Jilla nodded and almost smiled.
"Are we going home, Jilla?" Ruth asked her
"We must study the tapes first," Jilla answered.
Kevin walked over to Sulu, clasping a weary hand to his friend's shoulder. "Now we may have a chance," he said. Sulu nodded, but he didn't look too confident. Ruth and Jilla's voices soon began their discussion.
"How do we tell...?" Ruth began.
"We had to verify..."
"I'd thought...
"As had I, but...
"That explains..."
"Yes. Are there any..."
"We did it before."
"We would need to commandeer..."
"We've got Chief of..."
"But we are..."
"Not very likely. What else?"
"Death."
"We could run, and..."
"Death."
"If there's a Guardian..."
"We do not know where or..."
"And even then it wouldn't be our..."
"Death."
"We could adjust..."
"Death."
Sulu and Kevin had been exchanging worried glances and finally Sulu broke in, "I take it we can always die."
Ruth and Jilla looked up from their conversation, startled. Ruth gulped, then nodded and turned her head away.
"You mean we can't get back?" Kevin said, near panic.
"If we had attempted it within four hours of our arrival, there was a chance," Jilla said dully.
"About 47%," Ruth clarified.
"Can't you recreate..."
"Kevin, we'd have to have command of the whole ship for that," Ruth replied softly. Kevin stared, going pale.
"God, no."
"Any other alternatives?" Sulu asked.
"All of them except one needs the ship," Ruth said. "The Guardian, possibly, if we could find it, if there is one, and then we'd have to find a time here that we'd be safe in. A warp slingshot might do it, but we wouldn't be able to control that. Spending the rest of our lives on some godforsaken asteroid with a cloak and a Chutzpah, but we'd have to rig it first. We'd have to adjust to - all this - for a while at any rate..."
"And there's always death," Sulu finished ruefully.
Ruth fell silent, and the four stared at each other for a very long time.
It was Kevin who asked, hours later, "What do we do now?"
Sulu closed his eyes and made himself think. When he opened them he saw that they were all looking at him, waiting. My first command, he thought sardonically, and my last, he couldn't help but add. He took a deep breath. "Kevin, you're in Security, so you stay with me. We have to go on duty. Ruth, I'm sorry, you've got to let Spock see that I've carried out his orders, then do what he says. With any luck you'll stay in your quarters. If you do, I'll arrange for a com-link that won't be traced and see that your sign-on for the computer won't activate Spock's monitor. You and Jilla can work on getting comprehensive cultural tapes; history, attitudes, anything to help us stay alive. Jilla, you're staying here." He stopped, sighing. "I think that's all."
"Dismissed," Spock said and turned to the communicator. He ignored the man's repeated, "I thought you'd want to know, sir," and the hiss of the opening and closing door. "Bring Riley to my office," he ordered the Vulcan who answered his call. He snapped off the com and walked slowly back into his quarters, nursing the cold fury that was building in him. Ruth was still there, hastily pinning up her hair. She had slunk in half an hour before, and had dressed quickly under his appraising eyes. He had been satisfied at Sulu's handiwork and had told her so. She had remained stubbornly, sullenly silent and he had laughed, kissed her and left to begin work. How would she dare! How could she think I would not find out! Sulu's idea? Or hers? "Ruth," he said, his voice deadly cold.
She spun, her hands flying in front of her as if to prevent a blow. He waited until she gathered the courage to look in his face and he saw the color drain from her. "Wh - what?" she stammered.
He pointed to his office and waited. She walked past him into the small room. Once inside he pointed to the corner farthest from the door. "You will stand," he said. "You will watch. You will not utter a sound. You will not attempt to interfere."
As he finished speaking, the door opened and Riley stepped hesitantly in. Ruth gasped and Spock looked at her warningly. He saw tears in her eyes as she lowered her head. He turned from her before the urge to strike her overcame him. He addressed himself to the disciplining of Riley instead. "You were with my woman. Again," Spock told him. The boy's eyes flickered fearfully from Spock to Ruth and back again as Spock approached him and snarled, "This will be your last warning."
The beating took place in a silence that even Spock found eerie. The boy refused to cry out no matter how much pain he felt from the sharp, vicious blows. Ruth stood paralyzed in her corner, shrinking in on herself. Her eyes grew gigantic with terror and shock as they drank in the sight of her paramour's bloodied and broken body. Spock only stopped when the boy was just short of dead, then turned to Ruth.
"Are you going to kill me too?" she asked dully.
He ignored her question and reached across the desk to press open the communicator. "Sulu to my office," he said and switched it off before receiving an acknowledgement. Then, seeming to forget both Ruth's presence and Riley's unconscious form, he sat down at his desk and began his morning work.
When Sulu entered, Spock didn't bother to look up from the report he was scanning, Neither did he give the Security Chief a chance to gloat. "If you are satisfied with your handiwork, Mr. Sulu, I am gratified to have been of assistance," he said, then added, "Take her to the Booth. Two hours at setting two."
Sulu gagged at the sight of what Spock had done to Kevin. Guilt screamed inside him. It was my fault, I should have known, how could I have been so stupid! Someone told him. Who? He thought quickly. Not my guards. Someone else. That little rat of - that 'little rat' is Carl Allison! Counterpart, only his counterpart. And Ruth said... damn him!
He collected his thoughts, not daring to look at Ruth as Spock spoke to him. The Booth, two hours. I'll make you think so anyway. He swallowed his nausea and fear and said, "Sickbay for Riley?"
"Or widest dispersal, Mr. Sulu, whichever you prefer," Spock returned casually.
Sulu shuddered, then carefully took Ruth by the arm, leading her away from the horror. He told Paget to take Riley to Sickbay and tried not to think as he escorted Ruth to the turbolift.
She was so quiet, so docile. He touched her arms, her face, whispering her name fiercely, but she stared, silent, not even blinking. It took him several minutes to realize why. She was in shock. Spock had no doubt made her watch Kevin's beating. The guilt and sorrow welled up in him again and he took Ruth in his arms, a gentle caress of sympathy.
"He killed Kevin," she said finally, stupidly, and repeated it, her voice starting to rise in hysteria. "He killed Kevin, he killed Kevin, he killed...!"
"No," Sulu told her, grabbing her shoulders. "No, Ruth, he's still alive." He shook her, determined to break through to her. "He's in Sickbay, Ruth. Kevin's alive!"
Her eyes seemed to focus, and she stared at him. "A-alive?" she asked hoarsely.
Sulu nodded. "In Sickbay, Ruth. He'll be all right."
She started crying then, shaking, sobbing out the details of what she'd seen. Spock had thrown Kevin to the deck, wrenching him up, repeatedly. There had been hard cutting blows meant to disfigure, to maim, to destroy. Kevin had taken it, defiant hatred burning even through the pain. She prayed he'd live, damning the Sickbay as a torture chamber, and Sulu reminded her that he'd sent Kevin, not Spock. McCoy would keep him alive, or face the Security Chief.
She had begun to calm down when the turbolift opened at Security. He grasped her arm harshly, and pulled her behind him. She pleaded with him and he wasn't sure how much was genuine. Don't worry, he told her silently. There won't be any power going to that thing, not with you in it.
The fevered hope shattered as he approached the Booth. Sepak stood there, waiting. He felt a rush of sudden hatred, remembering Jilla's words: whore's service to Spock, to Sepak. A wild thought, that Spock had to live but there was no reason to let this son of a bitch, was quickly washed away in bitter futility. Ruth, I'm sorry, I've got to hurt you again, I'm sorry! "Doesn't Spock trust me?" he sneered at the Vulcan.
"Who trusts any man with an Antari?" was Sepak's cool reply. It infuriated Sulu.
"I had all I wanted, Sepak," he spat.
"So you did," Sepak said calmly. "As I did the kal'aroun. It would profit you to remind her of her position with more frequency than is apparent from her actions."
Sulu went cold. He wanted nothing more than to see that mocking face bruised and bleeding and begging for mercy - "Is that a threat, Lieutenant?" he asked, surprised at the soft malevolence of his own voice.
Sepak blinked. "No, sir, simply an observation. The Commander was not pleased. You are aware how unwise that is, with respect to the kal'aroun." The tone was still cool, but Sulu could sense the fear, the edge the man walked, and it made him smile.
"Yes, Sepak," he said slowly. "And I could complain of a few of the marks you left. You are aware how unwise that is."
Sepak pretended to ignore him, looking instead to the cowering woman. "Sir," he said politely, "might I suggest that we proceed since we both have more pressing duties this morning."
"More pressing than seeing to your superior's orders?" Sulu said, not wanting to 'proceed', nor to give up the bitter sweetness of the Vulcan's unease. "Really, Sepak, what could be more pressing?"
Sepak swallowed, and Sulu thought gleefully, squirm, you bastard!
"Sir , I..."
The anger exploded with low, hoarse menace. "Put another mark on my woman and not even Spock will want to help what will be left of you. Do we understand each other, Vulcan?"
"Understood," Sepak replied, and the fury came off him in cold waves. Sulu waited only a fraction of a second, then struck him with a sharp, backhand blow. "Sir," Sepak finished with a growl that didn't quite mask his submission.
Sulu turned from him, shoving Ruth toward the glass cylinder. She whispered his name, and he shut his eyes, letting his fingers rest briefly, futile comfort, on her shoulder. Her eyes were wide, frightened, and he resolutely turned his back on her, going back to the control board.
"Sir," Sepak said, and Sulu glared at him. "A doctor is..."
"McCoy is busy," Sulu replied brusquely. "I can take care of it myself ."
"As you say, sir," Sepak deferred.
Level two, for two hours. Sulu remembered Kevin's scream when he'd turned the thing on, just on. He was certain level two was much worse. He took a deep breath, praying, pleading for forgiveness and strength, and activated the switches before him.
Ruth's body gave a horrible spastic jerk and she started to scream. He shut his eyes again, his throat going dry. The sound pierced through him like a knife. He realized and was grateful for the fact that his stomach was empty when it convulsed and nothing came up. He was starting to break into a sweat and he tried desperately to stop it, to turn his mind away from the horror, to block it all out. All he needed was for Sepak to report a panic display. God help me! he begged and Ruth's screams continued. Two hours, two hours of this! I'll never make it! I have to, no choice, god help me!
His hands clutched at the panel, he was starting to shake. No, throw it off, he demanded of himself. Get back nirvana - Jesus, you mean the Inferno! - put it apart, away, be one with the time. It's the only way you'll make it, don't think of Ruth or the pain or the damned Vulcan. One and all, nothing, nothing...
Somehow, he managed it and Sepak wondered what the Security Chief was thinking to be staring so intently at the woman inside the Booth.
After an hour Sepak was more than worried. Not only worried, but the woman could not stop screaming and the sound hurt his ears. He found Sulu's rigid body and intense stare more and more disconcerting. What was he planning? The man is usually so easy to read, but this... The Commander won't like it if something escapes my notice and it involves his woman.
He had decided to try and engage Sulu in conversation, perhaps learning more that way, when his attention was caught by the Captain's appearance. Kirk glanced at the Booth, only mildly curious, then stopped, a leering smile coming over his features.
"Well, well, what have we here?" he said with a gleeful sneer.
Sepak glanced nervously from Kirk to the Booth and began to feel a worried anticipation. When Sulu said nothing Sepak answered "The Commander has ordered Miss Valley disciplined."
"I heard that rumor," Kirk drawled. "Getting tired of her is he?"
"I wouldn't know, sir," Sepak replied carefully.
"She's still beautiful, even with the bruises and the welts..." He licked his lips "Your work, isn't it, Sulu?"
Sulu still said nothing and Sepak began to feel more than worried. "She was disciplined by the Chief of Security yesterday, sir," he replied.
Kirk was eyeing Sulu suspiciously. "Cat got your tongue, Mr. Sulu? Your Indiian cat perhaps?" he said, then chuckled at his own joke. To Sepak's surprise, Sulu answered him, but his voice was distant, distracted.
"No, sir, just concentrating on my duty."
Kirk chuckled again. "It is quite a sight, I'll give you that." He paused. "Sulu, turn it off."
Sulu's hands moved instantly over the controls as he acknowledged the order with a curt, "Yes, sir."
Why is Sulu in such a hurry, being so agreeable with an order to stop pain? He is almost joyous - Sepak's thoughts stopped as realization struck him. Because he knows what's coming, and he knows I can't stop it, and he knows Spock will not find it pleasing. Gently you are revenged, Terran. Did you plan this? And I am powerless. Spock will know there was nothing I could do, not against the Captain. But that will matter very little to him. I have failed in a duty to him, and he will not forget it. Damn Terrans, all of them!
He watched, his lips tight, as Kirk let the Antari collapse out of the Booth into his arms. She clung to him, sobbing, and he began pulling off her clothing. Sepak glanced at Sulu, saw the rigidity had returned, but there was an odd gleam in the black eyes. Then his attention snapped back to Kirk as the Antari started shrieking. He watched in utter amazement as the woman fought, wildly sobbing. An Antari, fighting a man, any man? By the gods, she's been taught, Spock has succeeded in taming an Antari! And you're letting his Antari be raped.
Sepak broke into a cold sweat at the thought. More than revenged. It is not only insult the Terran gives back. When will I learn to stop my tongue? It is why you are a lesser son, you haven't the wits to keep silent when silence is best. But my fathers, must I endure seeing a Vulcan, one so vastly superior to these Humans, being given such offense? The kal'aroun is his, he has every right to do with her as he pleases. What claims does this Terran have that he should be allowed such liberties? No matter, Spock does allow it and you should keep your opinions to yourself. It is fitting, this punishment that is inflicted on you. If you live, you will perhaps think before you speak, even to a Terran.
He opened his eyes, realizing that they had been closed, resigned, prepared. One last fleeting thought, that it might go easier with him if he reported the affront, was swept away with the surety that Sulu wouldn't allow it. It was painful to watch the rape, and he was relieved when Kirk finished with her and had his guard put her back in the Booth.
"Carry on, Mr. Sulu," Kirk said casually, then he sauntered away followed by his grinning bodyguard.